An unofficial Ranch Dress Code

There’s no dress code or uniform on the ranch.  There is no official apparel or approved attire.  Yet the cowboys on our operation tend to show up everyday in the same type of ensemble-  worn blue jeans, a long sleeve collared button up shirt, scuffed leather boots, topped off with their favorite faded cowboy hat.  It’s a look, I know, but I’m pretty sure that even if it wasn’t the cool way for ranchers to dress, they still would.

If there was any formal policy for ranch work wear, it would likely be written down in the book of common sense.  If I were writing such a description of the necessary everyday attire based on what I see ranchers wearing day in and day out, it would go something like this- 

“Farmers and ranchers should dress in appropriate attire for the myriad of situations of their highly demanding occupation that can be ever changing and highly unpredictable.  It should include but not be limited to pants tough enough to not tear in abrasive incidents, namely climbing over barbed wire fences, yet stretchy enough to allow unrestricted movement in the event of running for their life from an angry momma cow.  Pockets should be large enough to carry several sockets, calf tags, syringe needles, stray washers, fencing clips, and castrating bands, with sufficient room for a smartphone as well.  

“Due to the potential of encountering large amounts of water, often caused by experiencing the likes of sudden eruptions of broken risers or plugged irrigation nozzles, although more commonly due to poor operator error and misguided bravado, pants should be made of wicking material and fast drying.  Pants should be stain resistant as they will be exposed to high volume of contaminants that will not wash out such as oil, grease, and manure. 

“Said pants should be long enough to ‘stack’ so that they are bunched at the ankle.  Inseam length that will remain stacked and not cause the pant leg to rise above the ankle while riding a horse is sufficient.  At no time should the shaft, or boot tops, be visible.  Much like lingerie, it might be pretty but that’s not a show everyone gets to see.  Pants should never be tucked into boots.  Never.

“Appropriate shirts should be long sleeve to cover the skin in an attempt to avoid harm or injury due to stinging bugs, biting bugs, ticks, sunburn, stinging plants, scratching plants, rusty broken wire, thorns, sticks, thistles, biting snakes, nettles, sucking bugs, sharp rocks, slivers, hot surfaces or anything else in similar fashion.  Such injuries should be avoided at all cost, therefore, long sleeves are a must.  

“For similar reasons, shirts should have a stiff collar to prevent the neck from similar injury.  However, the collar should remain unpopped unless environmental circumstances necessitate, such as a blizzard, gusting winds or glaring sun.  Failure to keep said collar downturned may tarnish one’s cowboy reputation.

“Shirts should also be made of fast drying, water wicking material that is also durable, stretchy, lightweight, dust resistant, wrinkle resistant, stain resistant and stink resistant.  Shirt accessories should include two breast pockets, snaps preferred but buttons are acceptable.  Pockets should be large enough to hold at least one smartphone or one redbook that should remain on a rancher’s body at all times.  Pearl snaps are the preferred closure to allow for easy fastening and unfastening.  Ranch wives everywhere prefer them as well as they are far less likely to pop off and need replacing.    

“While many circumstances should require a helmet, hard hat, crash gear, or any sort of protective headwear, a rancher's uniform requires only a cowboy hat.  It is uncertain if there are any sort of magical powers that allow a cowboy to avoid any sustained head injury despite its lightweight and somewhat fragile makeup.  It does provide ample sun protection, comfort and certainly is fashionable and is thus sufficient for their needs.  

“In the event that a cowboy hat isn’t worn, a ball cap is a satisfactory replacement.  It should not be a purchased hat, however.  It must be swag given as a consultation for spending tens of thousands of dollars on equipment, veterinary services, feed, or cattle.  Despite being given new hats seasonally, no hat is to ever be discarded, given away or destroyed regardless of their condition.

“Foot attire allows for greater personal discretion.  On all accounts it should be leather, high top, closed toe, with ample tread, can be easily removed, and can withstand any number of bumps, cuts, being run over, stepped on, smashed, or the like.”

The specifics of this sort of uniform can be pretty tricky to fulfill, but these ranchers do the best they can.  We still haven’t found any sort of shirt that is completely dust resistant, wrinkle resistant, stain resistant and stink resistant nor an indestructible blue jean but we do the best we can with what we have.  

At the peril of my own reputation, I admittedly rarely fully meet the dress code.  Risking life, limb, and possible bug bites, I have found myself in short sleeves, cutoffs and flip flops out helping at a moment's notice.  Fortunately, failure to dress in a rancher’s common sense appropriate style does not mean a dismissal, just an eye roll.  But I have to admit, the standard of dress certainly has its merits.